I think I...

     A friend of mine from my teaching days at Mason Ridge has a blog called “One with the Pastor.” She calls herself the unlikely wife of a pastor and often blogs about the trials and tribulations of this role. She recently posted about her worst enemy. With her typical wit and skill, Rachel described her nemesis vividly. There is no doubt about it, this person would drive you crazy. After describing the many reasons she dislikes this person, Rachel revealed her worst enemy to be her inner thoughts.

     All I could think was, “Well played Rachel. Well played.”

     We all have them. Those terrible, negative, nagging thoughts that eat away at us from the inside out. The ones that keep us up at night while our spouse or partner snores away blissfully unaware. The thoughts that cause us to doubt our worth and question our capabilities. I think as women (sorry guys, most of my audience is female) most of us could hold honorary Phds in Overanalyzing.

     I began to think about her post and why we tend to allow our thoughts to rule us in such a manner. And I mean I really thought about it… which is kind of a quandary in itself. Deep thinking about your thinking. I wasn’t sure much good would come from it. But there I was. Rachel’s post struck a chord in me whether I liked it or not. It called me back to one of my own more recent posts about feeling like I needed to find my place and purpose.

     I decided to evaluate the role my inner thoughts had in my current “stuck” situation.

     Am I staying in an unfulfilling job because I am scared to take a risk? Sadly yes. Am I worried about what others might think of me if I throw caution to the wind and try something new or different. Undeniably yes. I don’t think I need to share more of the thought stream with you, the writing is one the wall.  My inner thoughts had become paralyzing instead of motivating.

     As a woman, a wife, a mother, a teacher, a writer, and a survivor I know myself to be stronger than my thoughts. It is time to take them back. I am reclaiming my identity here and now. Changes are coming, starting with these darn thoughts!


To visit Rachel's blog, go to: www.onewiththepastor.com