Sunday, March 31, 2013

A Step in the Right Direction

     When I started this blog, I had every intention of framing it around writing, books, and the creative process. The deeper I delve into this artistic realm, I realize my writing is so often linked to my day-to-day life. I write because I have stories to tell, they eat away at me when kept at bay. I would love to say I can separate life and work, but that is simply not the case. Recently, I began posting about my uncertainty with my job and how that affected me. While the posts were not directly related to the writing field, I think many of us, as authors, teachers, electricians, or mechanics, understand the universal message behind this writing. These posts are a part of my story. I needed to share it as much for myself as for anyone else struggling with the same issues.

     Decisions are rarely black or white but rather a muddled mess of gray. I often think it would be easier if there was a clear cut wrong or right, yay or nay. Perhaps if we were void of emotion, created like machines, this would be the case. Instead, the most significant decisions in our lives are bombarded with the gray matter of emotion, doubt, and questioning.

     I recently made a decision, a major one. I did the analyzing, played out endless scenarios in my mind, conversed with my husband for hours on end, and finally, made a resolution.

     I took that leap of faith. I resigned from my teaching position for the 2013-2014 year.

     And now, I find myself in that gray, embarking on a new journey. I am proud of myself for having the courage to admit I had not found satisfaction with my position. I recognized that I am capable of more and should be doing more. I am scared of the unknown facing me and let’s be honest, there is plenty of that right now. I am hopeful for what is to come and believe that I made the best decision for myself and my family. I am sad to leave the many friends that I’ve had the privilege of working with these past four years. In short, I am about as far from black and white as you can get.

     But I know I will get there, wherever “there” is. It starts with letting go and I took a step in that direction on Thursday. In publicly acknowledging my decision, my resolve was first shaken and then steeled. I knew this step would be tough, that many would not understand my choice. I also knew that those who love and support me for me would understand my need to find my own place. I took a deep breath and said the first of many goodbyes.

     Thank you for helping me be brave enough to chase my dreams. Here’s to starting the next chapter in life.

No comments:

Post a Comment