Sharing the Struggle

January has been chaotic and fun and on occasion, a little crazy - it's just been life. Sometimes we take that for granted. We get lost in the hustle and bustle or even in the mundane. Well, maybe you don't, but I know I am guilty of this. I begin and end many days, forgetting to be appreciative of the opportunity to have lived it. 

As I close out January and gear up for National Heart Month, I have good intentions to be more mindful of this gift. It is indeed a treasure - to still be here with my family, to fully live each day, to make new friends, and to work to raise awareness for women's cardiovascular health. 

I have shared my journey with many of you. Some of you have walked it with me. Perhaps even more appropriate, you carried me along the way. Others have supported me from the sidelines and this has been a blessing. Today, I am honored to share the beautiful and brutal words of my dear friend, Rachel D'Souza-Siebert, a heart attack survivor and one of last year's National Go Red for Women spokeswomen. Rachel recently shared about the loss of her friend Rekisha, another National Go Red Woman, and I have to tell you - if her words do not move you, nothing will. 

Thank you, Rachel, for allowing me to share your struggle. There is always so much work to be done. 


"Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect make-up, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by... 

Well this is one time, well this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee,
The places that you've come to fear the most,
Is the place that you have come to fear the most." - Dashboard Confessional

 2012 Go Red Photo Shoot: Amy, Rachel, Rekisha, Lidia

Once upon a time, there were 10 of us. The reality of our heart disease and no-bullshit, scream-it- from-the-mountain-tops attitudes brought us together - our paths may never have crossed otherwise. We parroted the same message out into the world:

Heart disease is the number 1 killer of women

 Heart disease kills more people annually than all forms of cancer combined

 Heart disease kills 1 in 3 women

Wanna know what heart disease looks like? Look at me.

We share our stories over and over, in hopes they make a difference - we nag and annoy and repeat and surely, people get sick of listening. It becomes exhausting to share it and exhausting to live it and all you really want to do is let yourself be "normal", and be silent and blend in and leave it behind. 

And then, one of us died. It felt out of the blue and unexpected, but really.... really, it was just a matter of time. We'd been saying it over and over - heart disease kills 1 in 3 women. How could we really be surprised? 

The night that Rekisha died, I had to work late.  It was in the car on the way home that I learned of her passing. I tried so hard to stop the tears when I came in the door - but both boys knew something was wrong. Cameron, channeling me in his own little way, said "Shh, mama. It'll be okay. It hurts but it's not broken! Want me to kiss it?"

In my absence, my boys spent the evening building forts out of couch cushions. I concocted a steaming drink of almond milk, cocoa powder and peppermint schnapps and laid in a heap on the cushions. I watched her over and over again, hoping to get some perspective on the situation. Hoping that I could be fine thinking "It was her time" or "Her work was done." But it's not fine. Fuck fine. She was a mom and a wife and a daughter and a friend and a sister and so many things to so many other people. I've been through so many iterations of "what if" now that they all just blur together - what if she'd had better doctors? what if her heart disease had been discovered earlier? what if she'd been in a different city? Would the ending really be different?

So I can't get perspective. And it's not fine. And who knows what the right words are to honor her memory - I guess all you do from here is keep breathing and keep moving forward? And fight like hell so her death wasn't for nothing? 

I'll let you know how that goes.

 "I'm not afraid of death, but I resent it. I think its unfair and irritating. Every time I see something beautiful, I not only want to return to it, but it makes me want to see other beautiful things. I know I'm not going to get to all the places I want to go." -Viggo Mortenson

In honoring Rekisha and the 43 million women (and almost as many men) lost to cardiovascular disease every year, I ask you to please wear red on Friday, February 7th. Send me your photos (karenguccione@yahoo.com), post them on Facebook and tag me, or send them in a message. 

Wear your red loud and proud - show your support! 

Love and thanks ~Karen 

I'm not afraid of death, but I resent it. I think it's unfair and irritating. Every time I see something beautiful, I not only want to return to it, but it makes me want to see other beautiful things. I know I'm not going to get to all the places I want to go.

Viggo Mortensen

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/v/viggomorte553194.html#lRvaH1LM2PB0ybBs.99

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
Oscar Wilde 

Reason, Stand, Quite

There is always inequality in life. Some men are killed in a war and some men are wounded and some men never leave the country. Life is unfair.
John F. Kennedy 

Life, War, Men

In liberal logic, if life is unfair then the answer is to turn more tax money over to politicians, to spend in ways that will increase their chances of getting reelected.
Thomas Sowell 

Life, Money, Getting

Human rights are not only violated by terrorism, repression or assassination, but also by unfair economic structures that creates huge inequalities.
Pope Francis I 

Human, Rights, Terrorism

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
Bill Watterson 

Why, Fair, Favor

Humanity should question itself, once more, about the absurd and always unfair phenomenon of war, on whose stage of death and pain only remain standing the negotiating table that could and should have prevented it.
Pope John Paul II 

War, Death, Pain

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
Yul Brynner 

Men, Smart, Girl

I think it's unfair, but they have the right as fallible, screwed-up humans to be unfair; that's the human condition.
Albert Ellis 

Human, Condition, Humans

Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for.
P. J. O'Rourke 

Training, Soldiers, Police

Racism, xenophobia and unfair discrimination have spawned slavery, when human beings have bought and sold and owned and branded fellow human beings as if they were so many beasts of burden.
Desmond Tutu 

Human, Racism, Slavery

No matter how corrupt and unjust a convict may be, he loves fairness more than anything else. If the people placed over him are unfair, from year to year he lapses into an embittered state characterized by an extreme lack of faith.
Anton Chekhov 

Faith, May, Matter

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity.
Konrad Adenauer 

God, Stupidity, Fact

It is unfair to blame man too fiercely for being pugnacious; he learned the habit from Nature.
Christopher Morley 

Nature, Learned, Blame

I have been dealing with claims that I cheated and had an unfair advantage in winning my seven Tours since 1999.
Lance Armstrong 

Winning, Since, Advantage

Diversity on the bench is critical. As practitioners, you need judges who 'get it!' We need judges who understand what discrimination feels like. We need judges who understand what inequality feels like. We need judges who understand the subtleties of unfair treatment and who are willing to call it out when they see it!
Debbie Wasserman Schultz 

Understand, Call, Diversity

You really can't stereotype people or put them in boxes, it's unfair.
Kesha 

Stereotype, Boxes

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
Tim Allen 

Mean, Place, Fair

Jobs that cannot be delivered must never be promised. It's unfair to raise people's hopes that way.
Bill O'Reilly 

Cannot, Jobs, Hopes

It's incredibly unfair. You don't see a lot of 60-year-old women with 20-year-old men onscreen.
George Clooney 

Women, Men, Incredibly

I'm not afraid of death, but I resent it. I think it's unfair and irritating. Every time I see something beautiful, I not only want to return to it, but it makes me want to see other beautiful things. I know I'm not going to get to all the places I want to go.
Viggo Mortensen

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/unfair.html#Yl4MHc2Be0oCHUaG.99

National Wear Red Day - Feb. 7th

Heart disease kills more women than all forms of cancer combined.

Wear Red. Raise Your Voice.
Go Red on National Wear Red Day^® 

^{Friday - Feb. 7, 2014}

---

Once again, I am asking for your support with National Wear Red Day, a movement you all know is near and dear to my heart. Thank you for your continued love and support. So many of you have given your time, your financial treasure, your footsteps at the Heart Walk, and all of you have given a beautiful gift of friendship. 

Heart disease has been called the Silent Killer because it often has no noticeable symptoms. It's more deadly than all forms of cancer combined. And it’s not just "an old man’s disease."

In 2003, research revealed that heart disease was by far the No. 1 killer of women, and actually killed more women than men. To save lives and raise awareness of this serious issue, the American Heart Association launched Go Red For Women. And the red dress has become the iconic symbol of our battle against heart disease in women

National Wear Red Day^® — the first Friday each February — is our special day to bring attention to this silent killer of women. We encourage everyone to wear red, raise their voices, know their cardiovascular risk and take action to live longer, healthier lives.

A Decade of Success

Since the first National Wear Red Day in 2003, we've made tremendous strides in the fight against heart disease in women. Through research and education to healthy lifestyle changes, we’re proud that:

1. 34% fewer women now die from heart disease, saving 330 lives every day.
2. More women are taking ownership of their health by developing healthy lifestyles.
3. Awareness among minorities is up, doubling among Hispanic women and tripling among African American women.
4. Gender-specific medical research is up. The FDA now requires clinical trial results be reported by gender. Gender-specific inequalities have been identified, ensuring women receive the same level of heart treatment as men.

Yet, with all these successes, heart disease is still the No. 1 killer of women, killing almost 1,100 a day. But what’s more powerful than the killer? Millions of mothers, sisters, daughters and friends speaking up.

More than ever, your financial contributions help us continue our fight. Funds raised by Go Red support educational programs to increase women's awareness about their risk for heart disease and critical research to discover scientific knowledge about cardiovascular health.

Help us save more lives. Get involved. Make a difference. Go Red and Speak Red, by telling other women that heart disease is their No. 1 killer.

My personal fundraising page can be found at: https://www.goredforwomen.org/wearredday/donate/advocatedonationform2014.html?kwoAdvocateId=AM6JDX8

Even better, I would love for you to get your school, workplace, church, or community group involved. To become a coordinator for a Wear Red Day event in St. Louis, please use this link:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/VYT9YD3

How will you Go Red in 2014?

Photo Credit: American Heart Association

Mulligans

I’m not ready to make new resolutions. I fell a bit short on some of my goals for last year and have decided to just grant myself a re-do on a few of those. I’m calling in a mulligan and I don’t even golf, never have.

Last year, I pledged to read more broadly and while I did better than in previous years, I’ve still got some room to grow. I always find myself drawn back to memoirs or a good mystery and hesitate at the word “fantasy.”

While I didn’t blog about it last year, I also tried to commit to entering at least one contest or submitting one work every month. Now this, this was a lofty goal. I didn’t totally wash out but I’m not going to lie, I didn’t make every month. Let’s go with the rule of 80 and round up. The good news is that for the entering I did, a few pieces actually received some recognition.

Last week I picked up my contributor copy of this year’s Cuivre River Volume VII. I have four pieces in this anthology, two prose and two poetry. The very next day, I picked up my contributor copy of the Coffee & Critique Anthology and have one piece in this work. Not a bad 48 hours!

So for 2014, I will continue in my resolve to read in a wider variety and write more consistently. As for the diet (meaning food choices, not a diet) and exercise plans, these are once again being scrapped. A girl has to be realistic after all. Here's to a guilt-free 2014!

A Counter Narrative to Black Friday

See a need, fill a need. I love that approach to life. It just makes sense. With that idea in mind, I joined the ranks of the St. Charles City-County Library Foundation in August 2013. It's beautiful work - seeing unique gifts of time, talents, and treasure in action right here in our community. Now the St. Charles City-County Library Foundation has joined #GivingTuesday in an effort to inspire personal philanthropy and encourage bigger, better and smarter charitable giving during the holiday season, showing that the world truly gives as good as it gets.

 

#Giving Tuesday, a new national day of giving added to the calendar in 2012, will harness the collective power of a unique blend of partners – charities, families, businesses and individuals – to transform how people think about, talk about and participate in the giving season. Coinciding with the holiday shopping season,  #GivingTuesday will inspire people to take collaborative action to improve their local communities, give to the charities and causes they support and help create a better world. Taking place December 3, 2013 – the Tuesday after Thanksgiving – #GivingTuesday will utilize the power of social media to create a national moment around the holidays dedicated to giving, similar to how Black Friday and Cyber Monday have become days that are, today, synonymous with holiday shopping.

 

The Library Foundation joined #GivingTuesday to highlight the opportunity to give a vital gift – the gift of literacy. Focused on preparing young children to read and furthering lifelong learning for the whole family, the organization’s Take 20 and Read campaign encourages people to read for 20 minutes each day. The Library Foundation works to ensure that every child is equipped with the early literacy skills necessary to learn to read by the time he or she begins kindergarten and encourages adults to read as well. Through their Give 20 for Take 20 initiative, the Library Foundation will assist fragile families by providing books and parent resources to help make certain children from birth to age five are equipped with the tools necessary to read successfully.

 

“Much of what we see during the holiday season focuses on shopping and the search for the best deal. On #GivingTuesday we hope people will take part in the philanthropic spirit of the season and support an organization they feel a connection to and help improve our local community. A gift of $20 to the Library Foundation allows us to provide Early Literacy Kits to three families. And of course, we feel the gift of literacy is the best holiday deal of all,” said Kristin Williams, Executive Director of the Library Foundation.

The Library Foundation is one of more than 8,300 organizations who have joined the #GivingTuesday movement this year. #GivingTuesday is endorsed by Committee Encouraging Corporate Philanthropy, Dorothy A. Johnson Center on Philanthropy, Giving Institute, Giving USA Foundation and InterAction. Charity Navigator, Givewell and GuideStar are serving as Charity Advisors. 

 

Those who are interested in joining the St. Charles City-County Library Foundation’s #GivingTuesday

initiative can visit http://stchlibraryfoundation.org/ to make a gift to the Library Foundation. Follow the Library Foundation's social media activities on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/SCCCLibraryFoundation and Twitter @SCLibFoundation. 

 

For more details about the #GivingTuesday movement, visit the #GivingTuesday website (www.givingtuesday.org), Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/GivingTuesday) or follow #GivingTuesday (https://twitter.com/GivingTues) and the #GivingTuesday hashtag on Twitter.

Tomorrow I hope you kick off this season of holiday giving by choosing an organization near and dear to you and making a gift. Your support makes a difference. Love always wins. - Karen

A Thankful Heart

Well hello, friends. It feels great to return to the blog. The month has rushed by and those thoughts to update my blog never turned into action. I do apologize but promise, it has been time well-spent in other areas.

I don’t know about you but I love November. The cold comes but it is not that terrible bone-chilling frostiness yet. The leaves remaining on the trees are beautiful autumn shades. Best of all, so many people use this month as a time to reflect on the many gifts in their lives. While in the best of cases we find ourselves grateful all year, sometimes we need a reminder to look for the many things, big and small, to be appreciative for. 

This year has been a pretty monumental one for me.  So I am going to use today’s post to reflect on the many gifts of 2013, even those I couldn’t recognize as such at first. Funny how that happens.

I’m thankful I left teaching and can very honestly say I am happy with the decision. I couldn’t admit that for quite awhile. It was time for a change and when I finally embraced that, let myself off the hook for not being a “forever teacher” – there was a lot of peace in this. 

I’m unbelievably thankful for the gift of friendship. My parents live out of state and I have no living siblings. My friends are so often the closest thing to family here. From my teacher comrades, Delta Zeta sorority sisters, my wacky writer pals, Passion heart sisters, Girl Scout moms, and my new fabulous library friends, I count myself remarkably blessed.

I’m thankful I got sick again. For those of you who don’t know, I started 2013 in the hospital recovering from a complete hysterectomy. While that wasn’t awesome, there are major life lessons in getting sick and the recovery process. Coming out the other side, you see the fragility and strength in the human body. I am constantly amazed by it. You find out who is willing to drop everything and run to your aid and even better, discover how to then pay that help forward.

I am thankful and proud to work for a nonprofit (St. Charles City-County Library Foundation). When you do work that feeds your soul, it doesn’t feel like work.

I am thankful to DuBray Middle School in Fort Zuwalt School District for supporting Madison as she began middle school in a brand new district. She is happy and thriving on Teal Team making this mom very relieved.

I am thankful our friends and family fighting in Afghanistan these last six months made it home safely. No words for this one, just relief.

I am thankful and excited to have all our kids here for Thanksgiving. My stepkids spend most of the year in PA, but Jeff is driving up today to get them. We are looking forward to spending the week together and sharing Thanksgiving with my family down in Memphis. It has been several years since we have been able to do this!

I am thankful to live in St. Charles County. We have an amazing community here and are doing great work. Small businesses, passionate nonprofits, safe schools, thriving industry, and a great library district – I love “our” side of the river.

I am thankful for my scars – my lifelines as my friend Patricia says. All fifteen of them serve as reminders that I am here and am strong enough to live this life. My scars are detours on life’s journey but ultimately, have provided me with unexpected opportunities, clarity, and appreciation. 

I wish you all a beautiful Thanksgiving, filled with whatever it is that makes you happy and thankful. -- Karen

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Is Gentle the New Strong?

    This month I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about. It happens. Sometimes I am full of ideas and other times, not so much. I turned to my trusty resource bank, the internet, to see if reading a few good writing blogs would suddenly ignite some inner hidden spark. Not sure that happened, but I did come across an article I found interesting in one of those “not sure how I feel about this kind of ways.” Maybe that just happens to me, but I doubt it.

    I focused my reading on character development. I think with the endless amount of Halloween costume ads and commercials right now I have characters on the brain. So I googled “strong characters” just to see what would pop up and happened upon a blog post by a woman named Sophia McDougall entitled “I Hate Strong Female Characters.” Well that got me intrigued! A female blogger raging against strong female characters? I had to be missing something.

    I reviewed her post to find McDougall’s issue is more about how women are either strong or weak and very little in between. In her opinion, labeling women as strong puts them in a box, continues to isolate, and prevents audiences from seeing them as equals to their male counterparts. It’s a rather long post but if you would like to check it out, here you go: http://www.newstatesman.com/culture/2013/08/i-hate-strong-female-characters

     And now my thoughts, for whatever they're worth. I found a good portion of this blog post rather frustrating. McDougall primarily focused on women’s strengths only in regard to their physicality - their ability to punch, kick, fight, etc. It was not until the very end that she finally connected strength with broader (and more important) ideas of peace, intelligence, compromise, resilience, perseverance, and commitment.

    When I think of strong female characters, Charlie’s Angels don’t come to my mind. Neither do any of those superheroes. To me, strong characters include the likes of Jane Eyre, Hermione Granger, Anne Frank, Prim Everdeen, and Jo March.

    What makes a female character strong in your opinion? Got a few favorites?

It's that time again

Ever thought about writing a novel? Does the idea race through your brain only to be kicked to the side by tiresome thoughts of laundry, dinner-making, grass-cutting and the like. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to give that notion some real thought. Mush it around up there in your ole’ noggin, stew on it for a bit if you will. Why? Well, because next month is November and that means it is Nanowrimo time baby!

Sorry, maybe you thought I miswrote – never did take typing lessons. I wrote “NA-NO-WRI-MO” - short for National Novel Writing Month. We get a whole month dedicated to trying this crazy idea of writing a complete novel or at least a large chunk of one. 

Nanowrimo runs from November 1-30. You need to write an average of 1,667 words per day to complete 50,000 words by the close of the month and complete this awesome quest. It can, in fact, be done. Here is the basic lowdown. Novels can be on any theme, in any genre of fiction, and in any language. Planning, outlining, and extensive notes are permitted, but no earlier written material can go into the body of the novel, nor are you allowed to start early and then finish 30 days from that start point. You have to stick to November! 

I’ve done some checking and sadly, Nano-leave is still not covered by private insurance or FMLA. So if you work, well, you still have to go to work. But those of you already retired or exploring career options, you are set! And those of us not, we need a good kick in pants to put our butts in the chair and write anyway. 

Now I know what you are thinking…. no one ever actually finishes this or does anything with their manuscripts. Oh contraire my blog reading doubters! Perhaps you’ve heard of The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern or Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen? Yep, awesome Nano-novels!

Visit http://nanowrimo.org/ to join in on the madness, er, fun and see what you can accomplish. The official Nano forums provide a place for advice, information, criticism, support and an opportunity for what they lovingly call "collective procrastination.” The forums are already available since sign-up has begun as well.

There are already 49,137 people signed up for this year’s quest, quite an increase from the 21 people who originally took the challenge back in the first year (1999). An expected 200,000 writers will take up their pens (or tablets, laptops, etc) this year. 

Will you be one of this year’s Nano-ers? Come on, you know you want the t-shirt! 

Photo Credit: Nanowrimo.org